Supercrone’s Weblog

Outrageous Observations of a Wicked Old Broad

HOW TO HAVE A REALLY JOLLY HOLIDAY

I apologize for not posting this before Thanksgiving, since it might have averted the inevitable sibling sniping, auntipathy, cousin cuss-out, granny griping and other relatively irritating behaviors that so often occur at family dinners. However, since next month is fraught with possibilities of similar mayhem, herewith is a surefire recipe for unsullied high spirits.

Serve whatever you like for dinner. As long as at least one dish is homemade and the Special Secret Ingredient is added, you and your guests are guaranteed to enjoy a memorable meal.

I hear the more mushy-minded among you whispering, “Oh, she means ‘love’…how sweet!” Others of a more realistic mindset will be thinking “booze”, which would be a dreadful mistake. Alcohol often has the opposite of the desired effect and, in my opinion, should be served sparingly, if at all, at family gatherings. Nothing puts a damper on festivities like Uncle Uggo falling face first into the flan or Cousin Lucky playing grab-ass with every passing human…and sometimes the family pet.

No, my dears. The never-fail, gut-busting laugh-making joy-generator is simply a fistful of homegrown, blendered to pepper consistency and mixed into, say, the turkey stuffing (so it infuses the entire bird). It’s equally efficacious as a seasoning in any cooked course, since heating seems to increase potency and effect, as well as giving any dish a giant boost in the delicious department. The fact is, even if your cooking is not exactly up to gourmet standards, guests will think it’s the most nectar-like food ever to pass their palates, so effective is the magic of the blessed herb.

At the risk of exposing myself to a visit from the local gendarmerie, I freely admit that this recipe has become a tradition at any family occasion to which I have access. Even faux family, such as the small American expat community of which I was a part when living abroad, has been treated to a Turkey Day to Remember (aptly enough, laced with product from Turkey, as I recall). Yesterday’s feast was no exception, and I am delighted to report it was as resounding a success as any that has gone before. A cousin I had not seen for sixty-some-odd years turned out to be one of the wittiest family members I ever met. Ten minutes after everyone’s plate was loaded, hilarity (and a couple of Depends changes) ensued and didn’t stop until the L-Tryptophan kicked in and everyone went home.

So, because we are approaching the season in which we are expected to spread joy, I am happy to divulge the seasoning assured to spread as much joy as you can swallow. Just remember: holidays are for sharing, so please don’t bogart the dressing.

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15 thoughts on “HOW TO HAVE A REALLY JOLLY HOLIDAY

  1. Here are some questions.

    What are the interactions between tryptophan and THC?

    Do they multiply? Do they make you quadruply mellow or are they just additive?

    Anyway, the idea seems completely sensible to me. I often wonder why booze is legal and cannabis is illegal. I think it is backwards.

  2. I’ve said this to others here. I don’t understand our new protocols. Do we even have new protocols?

    Do we comment here and there, both?

    Do we care?

    Will you share?

  3. supercrone on said:

    I’ll answer your last question first, B. (even though it’s an observation rather than a question). The banning of hemp can be blamed on both William Randolph Hearst and the duPont family, both of whose businesses (paper and nylon) were threatened by its usefulness, low cost and ease of cultivation. They lobbied for putting it on the no-no list and financed some heavy-duty propaganda (have you ever seen “Reefer Madness”?) to convince Americans that it was Evil. Then, of course, it became profitable for Bad Guys with Big Bucks to
    sell it, and they helped keep it illegal by buying lawmakers.
    As for your real questions, the answer is “damned if I know.” Okay?

  4. supercrone on said:

    Inapie…I don’t have a clue. This is the first time I posted the same thing in both places at once, and I’m just waiting to see who reads it where. And of course I’ll share…what’s the fun otherwise?

  5. Hey Suzy! Where’s your new blog?

    I don’t know about these protocols either and I’ve been here for a while. I’m inclined to say do what ever you feel like.

    supercrone Yeah. I knew about the whole forestry business stuff. There’s similarly bizarre history for the illegality for some other currently controlled substances. I just wonder why we still put up with it. I mean, I do know. You gave the answer. But, arrrg. You know. It is frustrating.

  6. What a wonderful idea. That would have made the majority of family engagements I have attended, and the Jell-O salads, more palatable.

    It’s fair to add the herb in question needs some sort of fat (milk, butter) or alcohol, to live up to its reputation when used in cooking.

  7. Pingback: inane ramblings » Blog Archive » give it up for the supercrone

  8. Wanda Rizzuto on said:

    Well, I’m sure as hell not going over there.

    I prefer booze. I’m low class like that. You and Mr. Rizzuto appear to be soulmates though.

  9. Found my way here via Stevo.

    Great recipe idea for happy holidays.

  10. Booze is low class? Weird. ’round here, rich people drink and poor people smoke dope. Well…maybe. Then again, the rich people are all newly rich cowboys who were either incredibly bright capitalists who accidentally settled on land on top of an oil field or were blessed by the great God of giving oil to redneck idiots. So maybe they’re lower class ways haven’t gone away and the poor people have all fled from places where bad things were happening and they were well enough to do to get out and they’re really upper class by habit.

  11. Note to self: go with the more nutritious turkey sandwich, rather than the brownies…

    Also, I tag thee.

  12. pandemonic on said:

    My sister and I did that to the family turkey once, when I was 16. You could say we had the most mellow family meal ever!

  13. Oh.

    I thought the secret ingredient was, um, arsenic.

    *flees from the law*

  14. On another note, about tryptophan, which is talked about so much during the holidays — why don’t people get sleepy from eating turkey sandwiches? I mean, those are a common lunch item all year round.

  15. tigereye on said:

    This might actually prevent me from calling my cousin a pompous dumbass this year. Or it might prevent me from also taking a swing at him. Or it could prevent his ability to hit back. In any case, I’ve got to go procure some…herbs…

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